Sonia’s story

One certainty I do have is that a lot of the strength I need for the daily battle with my glaucoma and Sjogren’s comes from the time spent in my beautiful (Garden Rescue) garden.

Having lived with stable, well-managed glaucoma since my mid-20s, I just got on with life. That thought was always there in the back of my mind though: “What happens if the drops stop working?”

Rationally I knew that with regular checks and daily drops the chances are that it would be fine for many years to come, and I was right. Skip forward 20 plus years and all was well. I had an active lifestyle in the outdoors and always enjoyed gardening; an interest that developed in my teens. Little did I know then just how important my garden would become.

During lockdown, I was so thankful for my garden. When I moved to Shaftesbury in 2008, it was a sad patch of grass and concrete pavers. That winter, I got so depressed because I had left a lovely cottage garden in my previous house. In 2009 my garden was made over, and I felt so much happier. I find plants calming, being in the garden or stomping off for a walk has always been my way of managing stress.

Then, on the morning of 6 July 2021, I received a phone call from my glaucoma consultant that changed my life forever. My virtual clinic results from the previous week showed a catastrophic change to the optic nerve which was now very thin, and I must inform the DVLA.

In 2017, I was diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome, which destroyed my tear ducts by late 2019. This led to ongoing eye infections that had to be managed remotely during lockdown. It’s possible that Sjogren’s caused these issues, or it just happened as I have had glaucoma for over 20 years—we shall never know.

After I had filed that DVLA form it really hit home and I just fell apart. I didn’t know what to do. Here I was at 52, working for myself, very independent and living on my own in a rural town. In December 2019 I had full visual fields and stable glaucoma. A year and a half later, I have advanced glaucoma and am facing the prospect of not being able to drive on top of everything else.

For weeks I could not function. I just sat in the garden, not reading or playing with my phone, just sitting and staring. It wass the only place I felt vaguely calm. I had Selective Laser Trabeculoplasty (SLT) that summer, but it did not work and in November 2021, I was referred to Moorfields Eye Hospital.

Given the complicated and advanced nature of my glaucoma with Sjogren’s and the need to be able to wear scleral lenses for pain and keratitis management, a Paul Glaucoma Tube was proposed.

After the surgery in March 2022, I was more or less grounded and, as a result, I was in the garden a lot, pottering about. I was getting so frustrated at the loss of depth perception. Unable to see contrast and not seeing things until I hit them or tripped over them made garden tasks more difficult and time-consuming. This extended to all aspects of my life.

I knew I had to adapt the garden to make it easier for me to maintain. Before my Moorfields referral, I had got quotes from local contractors to do some work but decided to postpone. I was not robust enough to try and manage garden contractors as well as my business and my recovery.

During that summer, I had come in from the garden, popped the TV on to watch something and it was a Garden Rescue repeat. That sowed the seed; I wonder if they are still making it after the lockdowns? I researched BBC take part and drew a blank, so went to Facebook and clicked “follow.”

In September 2022 I became registered sight-impaired, and my driving licence went. Another dark cloud descended upon me and once again I retreated to my garden. Attempts to start wearing my scleral over the top of the implant was not going well and in October 2022 we started the long (and still ongoing) process of being fitted for an impression scleral at Moorfields.

One November morning I picked up my phone and saw a Facebook notification. Garden Rescue applications were open – hurrah! My application went in and in early January 2023, I got a phone call from the director, and eventually I got through the audition process all the way to the end.

The whole joyous experience is a memory to treasure forever. My garden will become more and more important as my world becomes darker, and I never imagined I would have a garden as amazing as the one I now have, future-proofed to adapt with me and my failing sight over the years.

I am for the most part a positive and determined person, but I would not be human if I did not have those days of being terrified of what the future holds and if I will be strong enough to face it. But none of us know what the future holds, do we?

All I can do is try my best to live in the now, forge a new life in my smaller world, and do as much as I can for as long as I can. One certainty I do have is that a lot of the strength I need for the daily battle with my glaucoma and Sjogren’s comes from the time spent in my beautiful (Garden Rescue) garden.

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